boredom

So, my room's all clean, my dress is done, the plans are set. Now, I just have to figure out what to do for 3 or 4 more hours... so here's my boredom:

10 acquaintances or 1 best friend? 1 best friend
Aloha or Hola? Bonjour
Are you a good listener? I like to think so...
Are you a good student? Yeah
Are you currently in a relationship? Nope
Beef or Chicken? Chicken!
Best friend or boyfriend? best friend
Best friend? Elena
Birthday? June 28
Birthplace? Southfield, Michigan
Blonde or brunette? Blonde!
Blue eyes or brown? blue (though sometimes greenish)
Carpet or tile? carpet - though wood w/ a rug is good too
Cat or dog? Puppy
Coke or Pepsi? neither :p
Color or black and white photos? Both - i like black and white better for artsy stuff.
Do you drink or do drugs? No
Do you have a car? yes, a quite unique one at that
Do you have a job? sorta, if dog sitting for the neighbors every now and then counts
Do you have a lava lamp? ya
Do you have lots of friends? I don't think so...
Do you have siblings? yea, an older sister
Dream car? yellow bug convertable with flowers all over it
Eat an apple or an orange? apple
Favorite color? yellow, but purple, orange and green are close runners up
Flowers or angels? FLOWERS!
Glasses or contacts? contacts
Gold or silver? silver!
Happy and poor or rich and sad? Happy and poor
Hardcover or softcover books? soft
Have you ever moved? Yea, from MI to NC
Height? 5' 9" or 10".. depends on who you ask when
How do you eat a Reese? around the side crust first then peel off the top chocolate then eat it
If you could save one thing form a house fire (not living) what would it be? um.. maybe my bible. I know i could just get a new one but it has so many notes and underlines that are so helpful. though white bear would be tempting too... :)
Is it Pop or Soda? Soda pop
Jacket or sweater? jacket
Last person you talked to on the phone? Elena
Last time you showered? this morning
Left or right? right
Long hair or short? medium
Makeup or natural? depends... fine either way, but not too much makeup...
McDonalds or Burger King? MickyD's
Milk or Chocolate milk? chocolate! but the thick kind..
Natural or dyed hair? natural all the way
Newspaper or magazine? magazine
Number of blankets? well... summer is usually about 5 and winter can be up to 12
Number of pillows? complicated... depends on the size pillow and the state of my neck happiness
Pants or long skirt? pants
Piano or guitar? Piano!
Piercings? just the ears...
Place you'd like to live or visit? France again
Rain or thunder and lightening storm (with rain)? the storm, so much more fun, and you get both rain and the storm :)
Rice Krispies treat or brownies? brownies
Shower or bath? shower
Sleep with stuffed animals? yup, still just with White Bear my forever old non-white bear
Stay up late or wake up late? both
Straight or curly? straight's good, though curly's cool too
Summer or Winter? Spring and Fall
What color are your socks right now? olivey green
Whats your bedtime? school days is usually 9 or 10, weekends and breaks is usually 11 or 12
When do you get up in the morning? school- 7, not school - 9 or 10

so there you have it, my boredom all wrapped up with a bow on top :)

christmas

oh christmas. how it has changed so much from when i was a little girl. i still love it. but for rather different reasons. its not so much about the presents anymore. its about spending time with the family and just chilling. and honoring Jesus and God and all that they've done and sacrificed.
we always go to my grandparents house in Illinois and my aunt and uncle's in Indiana during christmas break. it is much the same as all other christmas breaks, yet different at the same time. the first few days we were here at my grandparents, we helped them hang pictures, organize books, stuff like that because their house had caught on fire last summer and it's rebuilt and everything now but they needed some help doing the last little touches and stuff.
my hips and lower back have been killing me the last few days. idk why, but its annoying. as is my abundance of phlegm in my head that won't go away. my throat has been dry and scratchy too.
but, its cold and wintery outside and earlier in the week it was snowing and icing :) like winter should be. :)
mary has tonsil stones and is always complaining about them and making people look at them and smell her breath. she really should just get her tonsils snipped out. but that, like anyother doctor stiff will have to wait til we get home sat night.
tomorrow is family christmas when all my aunts and uncles and stuff come to my grandparents house :) it's always enjoyable :)
luckily i don't have that much school crap to do during break. i need to finish my dress for the new years eve dance and to read a play for english and work on a marine project and do some art. but all of it isn't due until a few days after break, but i'd like to get some of it done. i also really want to clean out my room, at least partially. it's really starting to bug me. i dont need all the crap i have.
well, i hope anybody reading this ( which I doubt is anybody but like my family and a couple close friends) has a Merry Christmas! :)

Pizzelles

oh the joys

of being sleep-deprived and not being able to help it.
of having achy joints that hurt after sitting for long periods (like school).
of having to have major blood loss once a month.
of having way to many things to do in so short a time.
of getting all these at once and still having to go to school and function normally.

another burden

stuff.
way too much of it.
like never used.
like 50-75% of what i have in my room is not used.
i use a lot of it maybe like once or twice a year.
i don't really want it all.
i want to have a lot less crap around.
yet, i can't seem to get rid of it.
somehow i'm emotionally connected to all my crap.
i want to get rid of it.
yet, i don't really want to at the same time.
i think that i feel like if i throw it away i'm throwing away my memories/past or something.
i don't know.
i just know that i'm addicted to my stuff.
i was rehab.
:)

deferred

The Red Cross doesn't like me anymore :( I was excited about giving blood again, but no, my hemoglobin is 12.4 not the required 12.5 :( Well, I guess I'll try and eat more iron and wait till the next blood drive comes along. I still got two stinging finger pricks to show for it all though... :/

my water jug

So yesterday at core, we talked about the samaritain woman and how she left her water jug behind when she left the well after talking with Jesus. John, our wonderful youth pastor, pointed out that her water jug was what she was defining herself by, by the world's standards and such. He challenged us to figure out what our 'water jug' is, what we cling to and define ourselves and such. After some thinking, I think my water jug is friends. Though friends are amazing and a part in a healthy life, I think I put too much importance on them. I become too attached to my friends. I feel like when they don't want to do something with me, that I'm a bad person or something. Their acceptance defines my life too much. When they start to go their own path (which seems like what all my friends are doing at this point..), I feel emotionally and almost physically hurt, like they've punched me in the throat and said 'i don't care as much for you anymore, sorry...' There are way too many of these scenarios to list, but they all seem to impact my mood and such way too much, even if they aren't purposely done. When a boyfriend comes into the picture and seems to define their life and take up all their time, when better grades and looking good seem to define their life, when various activities take up all their time and i no longer hold a high enough position in their life to take up some of their precious time, when it sometimes feels like they like you and want to be your friend and sometimes give you the cold shoulder and ignore you, when you tell them whats bothering you but they just shrug it off or don't really seem to care to change or help, when it feels like you just don't really have any true friends anymore.
This has been going on so long, I should have realized it fully and really tried to change it, but never really happened.
Well, I think the time is now. Better now than never. Im going to stop letting others and their actions and opinions define what i think and do. Instead, I'll look to God to help me through things where I don't know who I am or something. The only person to decide who I am is me. No one else.

prepared

it's so nice. this feeling of being prepared and have things planned so as to not get overwhelmed. i don't know where i got it from, but i've got pretty nice time management. and i like to make lists, so often don't forget things. and my life feels nice and organized :) thinking ahead allows me to have more free time to myself. to just read a book, play on the computer, watch tv, play piano just because. just chill. to sleep. all the things that seem the most important to me seem to get done more and better when i'm thinking ahead and prepared. not to say that i definitely dont have any rebel and unplanned and spontaneous times. but having the major things like school work and college and stuff out of the way lets me be more spontaneous and have more fun. like college. all my friends are freaking out about it, and i've already been accepted and have given them my deposit. and art. we had 4 projects due by today. by using my time wisely, i got them all done and turned in. the way i wanted them, not half-heartedly done. this being prepared and having a plan stuff may make me more obsessive compulsive or whatever. but i don't mind. it makes me happy and my life better (i think anyway) :) being the teenager i am, i don't always plan and can really tell the difference. :) so, here's to being prepared :D

disconnected

I feel like my body is no longer connected in the right places. I can't think straight. I can sorta pay attention. And when doing complex things, like playing the piano, it just doesn't seem to work anymore. I look at the notes on the page, and think i'm putting my hands where they need to be, but i'm not and just have to keep trying. It's liking I'm having a brain fart, but these farts are becoming more like my breathing. Everything seems like that. I can't type well anymore. Unless I pay complete, explicit attention on one thing (which i usually dont have to do and am not used to doing) then I can probably get it done. Theres this weird dull aching fogginess about my head/brain. It just feels weird. And the rest of my body is just screaming 'no stop! i don't want to do anything!', but of course i must go on. All this ickyness going on on the inside of me is no doubt affecting my mood and such. :/