yippee

guess what!?!...
I got my letter from LR about the scholarships and I got a full-ride - all the tuition for the 4 years is paid!! :)
Granted, I still have to pay room and board and books and food and stuff... but still... :D

As for this weekend, it is jam-packed as expected, with David Crowder concert tonight then Road Rules all of Saturday and Sunday.
Though I am still a bit stressed with stuff, one thing (the scholarship) is off the list, and I am sure to have a fun weekend. Laughing is always the best medicine :)

overload

why does everything always seem to have to happen all at once?
I've got so much school work, especially my english project and art stuff.
And fun trips with youth group and my family.
And potential other fun days with people.
And it's all trying to happen all at once.
Things don't work that way... so I am forced to do unfun things and miss some fun things, or do the fun things but feel guilty doing them because I'm skipping school work that needs to be done.
So.
Not.
Cool.

just be

these days, people are sooo busy. it's easy to get sucked into the idea that you need to do it all and be the best at all that you do. that whole idea is really impractical and really, impossible. we think that if we do a lot of things, we could find worth or define ourselves better. but it just doesnt work that way. at core, john was talking about reading the bible like you were relaxing at the beach. taking as much time as you can to just relax, really reading the words and expecting to hear from God. just let things work. not being on a schedule. like on the beach, i know that i could sit there in the sand forever, just breathing in the ocean air and listening to the waves come and go. we should be like that when we read the bible, just be comfortable and listen. i know that whenever i feel stressed, i don't really feel like i'm connecting with God, but at times when i really have nothing to do and am just relaxing, i feel at ease, at peace with God and the world. another example, every once in a while, the two friends i eat lunch with will not be at school or have something else they need to do during lunch. when i first hear/realize this, i'm sad and disappointed. i won't get to socialize and have a fun lunch. but then i realize that i can eat on the front lawn and just chill. after eating, i end up laying in the grass, gazing up at the sky and the clouds, just feeling God's presense and relaxing and being grateful for the beautiful world God has given me to stay on. what at first seems like an aweful situation, turns out to be one of the best parts of the day, even the week. it's rare to have that time to just relax, especially during a hectic school week.

another thing john talked about with reading scripture was to just be. not to force things, just let the words speak to you how they will, but just listen. this is so true in so many things. sometimes its easier to just let things happen than to try and force it. with art, this is key. you can't force creativity. when you try real hard to make something that 'looks good', it doesnt really ever happen. but when you just let happen what happens and go with your gut, you can come up with your best pieces. like faith, there isn't a formula per se for success. there aren't always certain steps to get the best end result. if you just chill and be, it's so much more relaxing because youre not stressing over whether you're doing it right or not and the product is unique. everyone has a unique relationship with God, just how everyone has a unique style of writing, art, clothes, etc. you just have to not be worried about what other people will think about that unique you. you cant let anything define you other than your relationship with God. in the long run, your clothes, your stuff, your group you hang out with, your talents dont really matter unless they are through God. apart from God we can do nothing, at least nothing that really, deeply matters. God loves everything about you, even if no one else, including you, does. He loves the good, and the bad and nothing is greater than that love.

spring

why can't spring just come?

why can't the cherry blossoms start to bloom?

It felt SO much like spring, all the warm weather and happiness, the last couple days, but now its getting cooler again. When it was so warm and FELT like spring, I could pretend that it was spring and we only had a tiny bit of school left. I've been more slacky (if thats a word) about doing my work and caring, cause its like, schools almost out, what does it matter anyway? but it does and that stinks. And now reality hits me on the head, I've still got a bit before It really is spring. :( In one way its good, because it makes me think more about how the time will pass so quick. I want to get to college and all that it holds, I want to go on that big adventure. Yet, I want to stay close to home, with things that I know, my daily routine and such. College is scary in all the unknowns it presents. But I'm trying not to think of the bad way all these unknowns could go, but the bright, happy side :) Another thing about the burst of springy weather; I can wear t-shirts and flip-flops. And for me, once i move to t-shirts, there's little to no moving back... same as pants, but even more so. Once I stop wearing jeans and wear shorts and capris and dresses and skirts instead, theres no going back. Even if it randomly gets cold, I dont wear jeans, even though they'd be more comfortable. I don't know what it is, but my mind gets in this groove and cant get out of it until the seasons tell it its time to change (though my mind can get ahead of the seasons, like not wanting to not wear t-shirts and flip-flops in febuary, a bit too early for spring)
And with the Good Girls stuff.. I'm doing good. not having a big time finding the lies and everything, just applying them to my life and not believing them. I know the more I reject the lies, the easier it will get, but it's a long and hard journey, though definitely worth it, esp with going into college and the big unknowns it holds.

i just want to spin in circles in a pretty sundress!

now... can someone just turn on the spring switch please???

yay

yay for:
successful attempts to give blood
knowing that PS09 will be in Pennsylvania
beautiful weather
senioritis ;)
going to LR and still loving it
giving God the reins
my sister turning 21 and not dying
my wacky (note: not wacko) dog
being able to wear Rainbows again soon
not having much homework
life

falling

So. I'm letting myself fall. into God's arms and plans. I'm still going to try hard and all that but my life is in His hands. Since yesterday and I decided conciously to fall, I've felt really happy and just relaxed and stuff, for no apparent reason. I was thinking while we were singing at Core, 'well if i'm falling, then i need to be crying and totally sad and stuff'. Well, i think I'm ready to fall, if that makes sense. I tired with how things are and want to change. I'm ready for God to take over. So when I fall, I'm not putting up a fight on the way, I'm ready and willing to take on whatever comes my way. It's this wonderful release and I just hope it continues forever, since we really are just continuely falling. :)

good girls

So this Saturday I went to this thing called the Good Girls Project. It was run by these two awesome staff at my youth group, Emily and Kendra. Me and like 20 other girls went to Emily's house all day Saturday and spent the night. It was so cool. Most of the time, other than eating, we talked. We talked about different things in our lives that make us feel the need to always be perfect, or that we are unlovable. We discovered lies that we have been telling ourselves for so long that we believe them. We learned that we can't depend on our flesh, but that we need to depend on God. And it's all a process, of discovering these lies and recognizing them and fighting against them, not by our own strength, but letting God take care of them. If we truely let Jesus into our heart, we can do anything. You know they say that God will not give you anything bigger than what you can handle. Well, really you can handle anything, because God can handle anything, so if God is in you (which He is), you can handle anything this world throws your way. We are all just vessels, allowing Jesus to be uniquely expressed through us. Apart from God, you can do nothing. Anything you could do, using just your flesh and not depending on God, really doesn't matter. Really, we just need to let ourselves FALL. Fall into the arms of God. You know the footprints poem about how the guy was looking back at his life and he saw two sets of footprints, his and God's, but at the harder times he saw one because God was carrying him. Well, God carries us all the time, not just part of the time, and we need to let ourselves fall into his arms and allow Him to work through us. We should depend not on this world or what it tells us, but what God and Jesus say.

"Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." -John 15:4

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." -2Corint 12:9

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." -Romans 8:28

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." -Romans 12:2