stuff has happened.

So last Friday I was sitting in my room, bored, with nothing to do, thinking about how i had nothing to do all saturday or most of sunday. i was starting to feel depressed... but. spontaneously it was brought up that i could go to scarowinds with katie, one of my friends. so i did! i was spontaneous! we spent friday night at her house then hung out saturday then did scarowinds that night. we didn't get back to LR until like 330am. then got up at 930 for church sunday. it was all good though. annoyingly, as the week progresses, the lack of sleep is compounding, and i'm getting more and more tired even though i've been sleeping good... :/ anyway. scarowinds was super fun and i was happy cause we got to ride 4 roller coasters :)

today my job started. it seems like it will be really good. i work from 2 to 430 or 5 wednesday, thursday and friday. the owner leaves and i just chill incase someone calls or comes in. today i read my book some, looked at some flower book, swept, washed some vases, and fixed the ribbons. :) biking back and forth isn't bad either. as long as it doesnt rain, that is ;)

the world series in baseball starts tonight. i don't really enjoy baseball, but my roommate loves the yankees, so i'll be watching baseball almost everynight for about a week... esp since it is HER tv... :/ i just hope they don't go too late cause i really wanna sleep...

halloween is this saturday. i have no clue what i'm gonna do. i feel like i should do something, but after last weekend, i feel like just chilling... and if i did do something, it'd prob be low-key... no drinking or anything... :/ idk...

so yea. thats my life in the last week or so :)

:D

*news flash*

Amy has a job.

At a florist downtown.

Mostly be doing paperwork and stuff.

Probably work 2-5 Wednesday through Friday and some Saturday mornings sometimes.

Bike to it until she gets Iris back.

Amy is excited.

Amy is sorta afraid since she's never had a real job before.

Amy is still excited.

:D

fall break is too short. always.

fall break was great. i didn't really do anything magnificent, but it was good anyways. i hung with some caroline. saw small groupies. went to church. got a hair cut. played monopoly and beat my dad and sister. got my rwb. saw and played with my adorable puppy. slept. watched tv. didn't do any work. :) nice and relaxing, but too short. i got all my midterm grades. nothing bad. :) worst thing was an A- in gov... not gonna complain though... ;)

it feels weird going back to classes on wednesday. it feels like monday. but its not. its really wednesday, which is my chill night on which i don't really have anything to do, so i just do hw, chill and watch tv...

cause monday is house, tuesday is cru, wednesday is chill, thursday is b-stud, and friday and saturday are whatever and sunday is chill... :)

so it feels like i should be doing something, like it shouldn't be my chill night already... oh well :)

midterms and fall break

had my last midterm today. they werent really that bad... already got physics and chemistry back since they were last week. won't get gov or religion back til after break... don't have one for freshman seminar...

tomorrow fall break starts! yay! i have physics and chemistry, then mary's coming to get me and we're driving home. she probably won't be here til 4ish, so i'll have the afternoon to do any homework or whatever and get ready to go home and figure out what clothes i want to exchange. speaking of clothes, the last couple days it feels like it has skipped fall and went straight to winter. its cold and rainy. it really makes me just want to stay in my warm cozy bed all day. alas, i must go to class...

so yea. fall break! i get to see my family and grandparents and most of all, my fluffy puff!!!! i hope she remembers me! though i know she will... ;)

i love roller coasters, BUT...

i love roller coasters. real ones. fast ones. ones at cedar pointe. however, i do not like roller coasters of emotions. one minute i'm happy go lucky. i'm optimistic about life and my circumstances. i love life and can't stop smiling. then. the next minute i'm sad and lonely. i can't think positive no matter how hard i try and nothing can get me happy. i just want to curl up and sleep or cry. it is really really annoying.

i dont want to be selfish, but...

so. i think i've started my last few posts with so. sorry if thats annoying. not that anyone reads this anyways... anyways. i don't know about you, but i like to feel loved and wanted. i feel like i constantly give to other people. i wait for them. i'm friendly. i send them secret sister things. i go out of my way to be nice and kind and loving to them. not trying to be self-righteous or whatever or say that i'm miss wonderful 24/7. but in general, i think i'm pretty giving. so. understandably, i'd like to get things in return. i can't keep giving and get nothing back. i'll end up with nothing. i just feel like i give and never get anything in return. i say something nice and encouraging and they just say thanks. i send them cool things in their mailbox and i get one thing. i feel forgotten. i feel unloved. i feel unwanted. i don't want to be selfish, but i'd like to get something back. i just feel like i give everything and get nothing in return. i know this isn't true all the time, but it sure feels like it. :/

lalalalala

i don't know about you, but sometimes i just feel awkard. even if i'm not with anyone or doing anything. like theres different random things going through my brain and going on. and different things i could be doing. like right now.

i went and saw the proposal last night with taylor and katie. it was good. the people i usually eat with and hang with sometimes, taylor, lauren and jonathan. lauren and jonathan are dating and all lovey-dovey. taylor has a boyfriend in the military. that plus the movie plus just whatever makes me want to be in love. to have a boyfriend, someone that cares, someone i can talk to whenever. not that i'm not loved by my friends and family. i definitely am and feel it all the time. i just feel like i'm missing out on something. and its not like theres guys hitting on me left and right and i'm just too picky or something (which i am very picky). i have a few guy friends, but theyve never been more than friends. its just weird.

and then. i've got like two groups of friends. i've got taylor and lauren and jonathan. and i've got ellen and katie and other cru people. it's weird. cause i feel like accepted in both of them, but i don't really feel at home. i don't know. its just weird. awkward. i want to have friends and be able to talk about anything with them. but i don't want to be too picky and not have friends. i guess i just dont want to get changed. if that makes sense. like i don't swear or drink or anything. and i try to not be rude and everything. alot of people don't believe the same things. i guess i'm just strict on myself or something. so i want friends. but as they said on senior weekend, i want to influence others, not be influenced badly myself. if that makes any sense at all.

oh. and i've been thinking about cru stuff. especially summer project. i really wanna go on one and feel called to. but i don't know which/when/where. part of me wants to go to senegal but then they say you should do one in america your first year. part of me wants to go to florida, but its for the whole summer... part of me wants to go to nyc cause its shorter and i feel like thats where society says i should go. so i dont know. i'm prob going on the winter conference for a week of winter vacation. and on the spring break trip. so i feel like i'm already neglecting time with my family and being home on breaks. i dont know. i'm hoping it all works itself out...

so yea. i just feel awkward and weird. i dont know what to do or whatever.

and it doesnt help that i feel physically weird in addition to mentally weird. its just so hard to tell what is something and what is nothing out of the usual. so yea. blah.