as i'm preparing to switch phones, i was going through locked texts (i keep because i want to remember whatever wisdom someone sent me) and notes in my current phone. it's pretty funny actually, because i had locked texts from more than a year ago, and a decent number of them had something to do with someone reassuring me that the Lord provides. even more recent ones. i sensed a theme in what i often need help to remember. there's always something i'm waiting for the Lord to provide. energy, a certain kind of friend, discernment, answers to prayers, life events, a good attitude. the list goes on an on, because really we should be totally dependent on the Lord for everything. and God's not a magic genie that gives everything instantly, so we are often left waiting. as i've looked back at my old journals lately, it's amazing to me how the Lord really does provide. things like a successful girl's weekend that pretty much fell on my shoulders. or a best friend i honestly can't imagine not being in my life or me not being able to tell pretty much anything. or energy to get through a hectic season in life. i see how i've prayed over and over for things, waiting on the Lord, hoping and praying that He would provide (and secretly not being so sure). and as i look back, so many of these things have been provided. the future is unsure, and there is a current list of things i'm waiting on the Lord to provide. but seeing the past actions of my God, i can have more faith that He will continue to provide. it often doesn't look the way we imagine or happen when we'd like. but it happens, and it's so great that it's beyond our imagination.
for my first 3 years of college i watched person after person find a best friend, a companion, a confidant to whom they can count on for practically anything. i had a few hopeful relationships that never really became what i was hoping for or imagined. i honestly got pretty bitter towards the Lord for keeping me feeling so alone for so long, never really fitting. and i got pretty bitter at those friends that i loved but wished things were different with. satan's lies and attacks didn't help much either. but then, out of a friendship i never expected to be much more than singing in choir together, God has formed something special. we have literally laid around, imagining how our kids will grow up together and there won't be a point when we're no longer in eachother's life.
it's just funny how God works. you finally give up trying and then God says 'yes, finally, she's letting me be free to do these great things i have planned!', and then they happen! it gives me hope for these things i'm still anxiously waiting for, like a man to spend my life with and raise a family with. and that God really does work everything out for our good. going through all the tough confusing friendships the past three years have really prepared me for where i am now. not to mention it makes you so much more grateful when you know what the flip side is like. and as i once heard and now really believe and can see working in my life, most of our greatest hurts come through relationships, but so does most of our healing. God's glory and providence is continually being made known in my life. waiting is so hard and can be riddled with doubt, loneliness, and confusion, but it grows us so much. knowing what i do know, i wouldn't trade the times of waiting because they have made the gifts so much more meaningful and worthwhile.
He will provide. no doubt.
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