today we were walking back from dinner. katie mentioned she was having trouble walking. i was saying how earlier this morning i kept like being unbalanced and kept running into the bathroom wall. and i said something along the lines that it wasnt like i was drunk or anything, that the late lacking of sleep was having its effect. ellen started laughing and said something along the lines that it would ever be in question whether i was sober or not. it was funny, but when i think about it, it was flattering in a sense. i have created a reputation for myself. and people here at college notice. i dont drink. when i do party, it's like a cru party or a weird random movie party that consists of dressing funny for halloween and baking cookies. im sure some people think that you cant really be in college if you dont drink and party crazy and stuff. i do party crazy, just a different kind of crazy... ;) along the same lines, i've developed the reputation of my sleep habits. unlike the vast majority of college students, i go to bed at 10 or 11 sunday-thursday night. and on friday and saturday night, when i know i'll get to sleep in, i still dont go to bed after 1... excluding other circumstances like going to scarowinds and such... ;) to sort of excuse my early bedtime i've set myself, i have 820 classes everyday. and will next semester. its not bad, as long as i get my sleep (hence the 10pm bedtime). so yea. i have a reputation. maybe a bad one in some people's eyes. i dont drink or party like a crazy college student. i dont smoke. i go to sleep early but i get up relatively early (partly because i have to and am in the habit now). i like sleep. my health is important to me, what i can control of it. with this epilepsy think i've got (which while reading my book today, realized that if i lived in the olden times, i would probably be put in some sort of institution...) i need to take care of myself if i'm not going to take medicine and if i'm gonna not have seizures. i know theres no way for me to guaranteedly not have them, but doing things and taking care of myself helps curb them. so yea. not getting sleep deprived and not drinking are elements of this. stress and sleep deprivation are my two main triggers. so i'm going to avoid them. if you knew something could very potentially hurt you, why would you do it? and drinking doesnt help either. since i've never gotten drunk or anything, i cant know for sure for my body in specific. but alcohol is another known seizure trigger. if i was on medicine, i shouldnt drink cause it'd mess with the drugs. but i've pretty much decided for myself that i'm not gonna drink. like at all. it doesnt have any appeal to me anyways. wine is disgusting (yes i have tasted it. and yes it was 'good' wine, from a french vineyard. but it was still disgusting...) beer is disgusting. it just doesn't appeal to me at all and if it could potentially hurt me... i just dont have the desire at all to drink. and i'm not the kind of person (or at least i'd hope i'm not) to just do something that i dont want to do, just because society and people do it. i'm totally ok and happy with my reputation. its good that people know this about me. because when they know that i wont drink and that i go to bed early, they wont pressure me to do things i dont want to do or be disappointed. i can have fun and lead a wonderful life without drinking or staying up til 3 every morning. so yea. i'm totally ok with being the good girl in this situation... :)
Friday, December 11
i'm the good girl. and i'm ok with that. in this situation.
first exam over. us gov. not bad. now i get to chill and study until monday. monday is religion and chemistry exams. not really worried about religion. need to study alot for chem. but i'm not stressing too bad. at least not yet. ;) today consisted of gov exam, a nap, food, work, and chilling. soon i'll be going to their annual 'midnight pancake breakfast', which starts at 1030. i wonder if they'll actually have pancakes... :) tomorrow is lookin to be pretty chill. sleeping in. studying chem. hopefully be able to get some socializing in. and lots of chilling. :)