Monday, January 25

an unhealthy habit.

i have an unhealthy habit. actually, i have quite a few. but i have one that i've been thinking about, realizing quite a bit lately... i have a habit of respecting and looking up to people to the point of almost idolizing them. they always start as friends. but it eventually moves towards me constantly worrying about what they're doing. then what they think. and want to make them like me more. and i want to do stuff with them. and talk to them. and be with them. like all the time. and then i start worrying and taking everything too seriously. i twist small things into huge signs (in my mind) that they're gonna stop hanging with me or that they dont really like me or whatever. and then i freak out and stress over whether they really like me and whether i'm worth their time and if they'll keep being friends with me. i'm not really sure where this comes from. but as i think back, i have done this with many many people. probably completely without them knowing. this weird obsessive thing can sometimes even hurt my relationships because i try so hard. i want things to be perfect. but they're never gonna be. ever. well, until i get to heaven anyways... so yea. i'm not really sure how to fix this, or even where it comes from, but the first step is acknowledging a problem right? any ideas?

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