awkward.

i've been an awkward turtle a bit lately. it's weird being home. i love being home and being with my family. but i've gotten so used to school and everything, it feels weird. i feel like i revert back to part of my old self when i'm home. like i've changed so much and learned alot since starting college. but when i come home, i feel like my body wants to be the person it was when i lived here all the time, but my mind is constantly reminding me of who i've become, which isn't necessarily who i was. and my soul seems caught in the middle. its all so confusing. i guess being home highlights how much i've changed/grown, as well as other people i know have. its not necessarily bad change or anything... but still. like going to church today. i used to feel completely comfortable there. but i went there today, and i just feel awkward. i don't feel like i know anyone anymore. i guess i just really miss my community that i have at school and trinity. i dont know. i'm just awkward feeling. the fact that we only have like another month of school left doesnt help. i'm almost done with my freshman year of college. its exciting but scary at the same time. if i'm feeling so awkward and missing people while i'm home for a long weekend, what about when i'm away from everything for 3 months!? i dont know. i feel like i've finally got some things figured out. but i feel like there are so many things that i dont get at all. blah. i dont know that the fact of having some things figured out, but other stuff not is going to change... maybe i should just focus more on the positive and embracing change and whatever comes my way, instead of focusing on the crappy weirdness... i just want to get back to being comfortable and normal. but what is normal anyways?