Saturday, August 2

challenged

So Mailys' mom and I are a little tiffed at eachother. I have not been very hungry, so I havent eaten much. She says I am always sad and all this crap about me being 'sick' and tired and stuff. My body is just not really appreciating the change. It doesnt help at all that I have hormones in addition to all the stress raging inside me. Its really annoying... Im hungry but Im so stressed that my throat wont let me eat much. Shes threatened to send me home. I really want to stay, but its so hard. Harder than I ever imagined. I basically have to do things I dont want to do, when my body is screaming 'NO!' and always be positive. The tension ebbs and flows, thats really annoying too... So for now, i get to stay but I have to act happy and excited all the time and talk and not really be myself. Its either that or fly home, right now Id rather do that and at least be here then not and just be home alone. Its very difficult. Sometimes it feels like no matter what I do, it isnt right for them. I dont know what to do. The stress is so overwhelming. My heart constantly feels like its gonna jump out and I cant sleep well. I want to go home, back to my life, but I really want to stay and stick it out and really try to experience as much as I can. Anyone know a good way to de-stress? Anyway, thats that... tomorrow afternoon we go to Mailys' house, where we will spend the next week. Im looking forward to a new place... Theres internet there so hopefully I can write a nice long post and tell you everything thats really happened so far, with pictures. By the way, did I mention how annoying these european keyboards are? Its not Qwerty, its Azerty They're the same but a few keys are switched, so confusing!!! Well, ta ta for now :)

2 comments:

Mom said...

"Challenge" is an understatement. :-) I know you are working really hard at this. Dealing with constant stress is a bummer. Try relaxation techniques, journaling, prayer, exercise/walking...and a lot of positive self-talk. Je t'aime beaucoup!!

Elena said...

oh Amy, that's terrible. I can't believe her mom threatened to send you home. That would just make you more stressed. And i know how you are with pretending to be happy. It's not one of your fortes. haha. I'm sorry that it's more stressful than fun and I hope it gets much better when you go to Mailys' house. I will definitely be praying for you. I miss you and can't wait to see you. by the way, I'm feeling slightly stressed with filling out college apps and I got madrigals camp schedule today and I have days filled with rehearsals and "social time" from 11 to 3 and the 7 to 10 at night. isn't that crazy?