So yesterday at core, we talked about the samaritain woman and how she left her water jug behind when she left the well after talking with Jesus. John, our wonderful youth pastor, pointed out that her water jug was what she was defining herself by, by the world's standards and such. He challenged us to figure out what our 'water jug' is, what we cling to and define ourselves and such. After some thinking, I think my water jug is friends. Though friends are amazing and a part in a healthy life, I think I put too much importance on them. I become too attached to my friends. I feel like when they don't want to do something with me, that I'm a bad person or something. Their acceptance defines my life too much. When they start to go their own path (which seems like what all my friends are doing at this point..), I feel emotionally and almost physically hurt, like they've punched me in the throat and said 'i don't care as much for you anymore, sorry...' There are way too many of these scenarios to list, but they all seem to impact my mood and such way too much, even if they aren't purposely done. When a boyfriend comes into the picture and seems to define their life and take up all their time, when better grades and looking good seem to define their life, when various activities take up all their time and i no longer hold a high enough position in their life to take up some of their precious time, when it sometimes feels like they like you and want to be your friend and sometimes give you the cold shoulder and ignore you, when you tell them whats bothering you but they just shrug it off or don't really seem to care to change or help, when it feels like you just don't really have any true friends anymore.
This has been going on so long, I should have realized it fully and really tried to change it, but never really happened.
Well, I think the time is now. Better now than never. Im going to stop letting others and their actions and opinions define what i think and do. Instead, I'll look to God to help me through things where I don't know who I am or something. The only person to decide who I am is me. No one else.