Wednesday, August 26


So. I'm officially a college student. Wow. There's so many things to say. So far it has been good, a definite roller coaster, but good. I don't much care for being far from my family and not having my close friends near me. One minute I'm really excited and having fun, the next I really miss home and feel down. I'm afraid of the unknowns. What my school load will be, if I'll make friends, if I'll ever get used to this being on my own stuff, if I will ever really feel at home here, if I will ever be able to get decent sleep, the list goes on and on. I'm generally rather good at thinking positively, but its been really hard lately. Theres just so much going on. I know everything will work out and I'll get used to college and love it, but it really doesn't feel like that right now. I'm having a hard time remembering that stuff takes time, and that I'm not gonna automatically have awesome friends and have my schedule all figured out. I miss my parents/house/room/Greensboro a lot more that I thought I would. I knew I'd miss them, but it's really hard to not compare things/people here to the knowns back at home. I've been texting my sister and mom like everyday. Alot. I'm generally a shy person and I'm afraid I'm never gonna make any good friends. I don't know if its just because we're freshman in college or this is just the way Lenoir-Rhyne is and no one told me, but alot of people (freshman anyways) talk alot about going out and drinking and partying and stuff. And they swear a lot and sometimes are just disrespectful in general. I like to have fun and all, but that's just not me... I came to college to get an education, make friends, grow and have fun, but I'm not gonna compromise my health/sleep to go crazy. Thats just not my thing. I'm worried that there arent any other people like me that deeply believe in God and want to have fun but don't go crazy crazy. Don't get me wrong, I really like it here at LR, and I like my classes so far, but I don't know. I'm just really doubting everything a lot right now. I want to be strong, but it just isn't happening. I'm just so afraid. I'm a rather light sleeper, so any light or noise at night keeps me awake. My body feels like it's breaking down. It is not fond of the mental and physical stresses of college so far. I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel right now. And I hate that I feel so bad. I really want to have fun and stuff. I just want my known world back. Everyone keeps saying that it'll get better and before I know it, it will feel like home. I just don't feel it happening. Maybe I shouldn't have gone off to college. :/

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