purpose

i want my life to have purpose, meaning. why do i keep searching? its right here. i have purpose. purpose far greater than i could probably imagine. because i am part of something far bigger than myself. to show God and his glory and praise Him. thats such a huge purpose. why do i keep thinking and acting as if i have none? why do i look at others and admire their purpose and beauty and knowledge, wishing i had some myself? why can't i acknowledge and see my own divine purpose and beauty and knowledge? not that i'm some kind of god or anything, but i have God in and through me. why can't i see it? what is it that stops me from truly seeing myself? what is it that makes me think that others have it so much more together than me? why can't i just see myself the way He sees me?

i'm sure theres a complex web of things that contribute to this. my selfish, prideful nature. this world. my not so hot self-confidence. i could go on and on about my faults and the things that hinder me from truly seeing and realizing my own purpose and place. and theres no way i could ever fix them all, no matter how hard i try or want. so i guess this is where i try my best and leave it up to Him. theres just such a tricky balance of whether you're doing everything you can and leaving the rest up to Him, or you're trying so hard and don't really believe He'll make things change, or if you're not really trying at all and hoping things magically happen.

and theres the balance with discovering things about yourself and this life and such... to realize how awful you are and get mad at yourself, or to just brush it off and not really recognize it, or to realize it and be annoyed but work to change it.

oh, life is so complicated...

*By now I could've lifted my hand and struck you and your people with a plague to wipe you off the face of the earth. But I have spared you for a purpose - to show you my power and to spread my fame throughout the earth. -Exodus 9:15-16

*God designed each of us with five purposes in mind: worship, fellowship, discipleship, ministry, and missions.

*It's not about you. The purpose of your life is far greater than your own personal fulfillment, your peace of mind, or even happiness. It's far greater than your family, your career, or even your wildest dreams and ambitions. If you want to know why you were placed on this planet, you must begin with God. You were born by his purpose for his purpose.

note: i'm not sure where the last two points came from... i have a bad habit of copying and pasting something i like and that inspires me into a little sticky note thing, but not noting where it came from...