burnt

i am not for myself anymore. i am for God and His purpose and glory. not for my own. it's hard to grasp sometimes how not about me it all is. to defeat that selfish part of me. in francis chan's crazy love, he says

"we are here to love. not much else really matters."

and when talking about following Jesus,

"or perhaps you would stay put, but He would ask you to spend your time helping people who will never love you back and never show gratitude for what you gave up."

and that

"true faith means holding nothing back; it bets everything on the hope of eternity."

wow. love people that won't ever love me back or show gratitude for it? but since we're here to love, and nothing else really matters... it would make sense that we would love. the selfish part in me thinks 'hey, i can love people a lot and most of the time, but i can't get nothing back. i'm going to burn out and be useless. are they ever going to realize what all i've done for them?'

and yea know what, part of that is true. some won't ever realize it. others might realize it, but not thank me or reciprocrate. others still will recognize it and thank me, but to the point where i feel like it is equal and opposite. so i'm always gonna end up short, in terms of what humans do anyways.

i will eventually get burn out, i don't doubt that. i am human. but it's not about us and our power to love or do things. we should be loving not by our power, but as Christ through us. and if we're really, completely, relying on Him, not ourselves, we won't get burnt out. His love and strength and everything is limitless. thats something us humans can't really fathom. so we try despirately to do it on our own. and then we get burnt out. but ya know the great, awesome thing? even when we try to do it all ourselves or even rely on God, but not wholy, we get burnt out. we are human afterall, we have limits. but God is limitless. and (if you ask) He will refill you with His Spirit and give you the love and energy to love people to no ends, even if they give nothing back.

last night at cru, the speaker talked about just being ambassadors to God. it's not about us at all. our message comes directly from God. we are just the path He chose to take. we are here, working, loving, breathing, on behalf of someone other than ourselves, God. and God will care for His ambassadors.

when we are just the means to accomplish God's will, and it has nothing to do with us at all, we are able to possess everything He is. we are able to love completely, wholy, endlessly. not because of our power or energy or anything. but because it's really God loving through us.

dude. it's all about Him. not us at all. and i know, man i know, that even if you try your hardest and try to lean completely on Him and not your own power, you're gonna fail eventually. we are human. because of the fall, we're pretty much set up for failure. but God heals us in that. He forgives and welcomes us with open arms no matter what we do.

so. we're human. we're gonna get burnt out trying to love all the time. we have all of God and His strength and love at our discretion, but we'll forget about it, not harness it, and try to do things on our own, at least to some extent. but God will refill us. if we let Him. thats part of the choice He's given us. we have to ask for Him to refill us, we have to decide to reconnect with Him and harness what He has.

i'm getting burnt out. but it's not about me at all anyways. and i'm asking God to refill me and work through me, as well as on me (which He's continually doing anyway). not for my glory, but for His glory alone.