Friday, July 9

they're gone.

the past few days have been weird.
wednesday, i worked then talked at the methodist church with the outreach team. we told them about what we’re doing here and they fed us dinner. then went to chimney tops and had reflection time. the staff women were there too, but they left before we did. there’s lots of really cool rocks to sit on in the river right after the trailhead. beautiful. i always feel weird after reflection time. i’m still in that relaxed, reflective, internal state but then all the sudden theres lots of people and stuff going on.
yesterday, i had the day off but went with virginia and took koffee to walmart. then i went swimming, which was much needed. i can always tell when i need to go swimming, my body and mind just get restless. after swimming i went to the book warehouse in pigeon forge. they have lots and lots of books, all of them discounted. i spent like 2 hours looking through everything and only ended up getting 2 books. then came back, ate, and napped til everyone else came home. then rachel, virginia, ava michelle and i went to cracker barrel for our ‘last supper’ with rachel. then we stopped and posed with the national park sign and took pictures. and of course, i injured myself... ;) it was fun. came back and some of us tried to go to bubba’s but they had a party of 75 on the first floor so we went to blaine’s for dessert. not what i expected, but it was fine. then came back and chilled on the rockers for a long time.
this morning, woke up and got ready as usual. then bid the staff adieu. rachel gave me a ride to work cause i would’ve been late if i walked. she dropped me off and we said goodbye with an awkward car hug. seemed fitting ;) then work all day. it wasn’t great but it wasn’t awful... kinda just lonely and boring. then came back, ate, had a band meeting, and now chilling til a bunch of us go to the aquarium. i feel like this whole day and the end of last night i’ve been in a bit of a funk. i think the inconsistent sleep plus the staff leaving threw me off. part of me wants to be really social, like just be with people, and talk about important things (idk what that’d be, but something more than surface). but the other part of me wants to just be alone and mope. it’s quite annoying actually. i can’t focus on the fact that rachel and everyone else is gone, and i really have that desire again just to talk with someone, deeply/intimately. but i have nothing pressing to talk about, and you don’t just go up to someone and ask them deep random things. idk, i just feel weird. blech. tomorrow is work again, this time in the stock cage...

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