Sunday, August 15

back again...

we went camping this past long weekend. we left wednesday and just got back today. it was nice to chill with my wonderful family. in a week i will be back at school, mostly if not all moved into my dorm suite along with my 3 other roommates. this last week before camping i lazed around for the most part. in the last week or two i had my blood drawn again to test my ANA. it was high and positive still, so now i'm on this new medicine called plaquenil. it's actually an anti-malarial, but for whatever reason works for some autoimmune patients/symptoms. my rheumatologist didn't come out and really diagnose me, but she said my labwork would suggest i have MCTD, mixed connective tissue disease, which is like a mix between RA and lupus and other stuff. she said you have to have the symptoms to be diagnosed though, but didn't tell me if i did or what the symptoms were... so i'm still at a sort of idiopathic state but maybe not as much as before... we'll see if this med helps any...
as for life in general, i've just been relaxing and the such. getting some stuff done between project and going back to school, but nothing crazy major. hanging out with people. catching up on my sleep....
otherwise, i'm feeling kinda awkward but relaxed. its weird.
i feel like the great intimate time i had with God and people on project is dwindling/gone. obviously i'm not with the people anymore so that is weird. but i feel like God and i are kinda on weird terms too. theres so much difference between the structured, God-centered routine of project and the lazy, me-centered attitude of the world esp during the summer. no longer do i have a desire to get up early or have a set routine to spend with God. i dont know, home has seemed like a spiritually dry kinda place after having been at college and esp after project. i don't know if its just because i'm a lot more on my own and not surrounded by that community aspect as much. or if its because i've never really had great habits formed and practices of keeping in touch with God at home. whenever i'm home now i'm not on a schedule enough to have a set time and i've never really made a place in my routine or a physical place for it. i think it also just feels kinda awkward and out of place to have a quiet time at home. i mean i read my little devotionals and the bible a bit before i go to bed. but nothing like a set aside bible study or anything in the morning like i got used to doing on project. i don't really know what to do about it, but i don't like the awkwardness. i just feel this kind of distance between God and i when i'm at home... but i love love love being home and relaxing and being with my family... :p
so for now i guess i'll keep thinking and praying on that and continue to relax and chill before i have to start packing to go back..

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