miss you.

i'm really missing project today. especially the people and community of it. there were 24 people i was surrounded by all the time. i love them. they love me. we shared our lives together. there's nothing like it or close much here. yes, i live in a suite with 3 other great girls. and theres the community aspect that i have with cru. but its not the same. at all. there, in gatlinburg. at the chateau, on the strip, in the village, in the national park. we grew into family. it wasn't out of place to talk about anything and everything. one minute be jamming out and dancing together. the next be sharing our life stories. i long for that intimacy and vulnerability. its not like that here at school. if you're having lunch with someone and then just semi-randomly say 'hey, whats your life story, i want to know you better, find out where you've come from,' it would prob end in awkwardness and avoidance. but not there. a walk down the strip turned into a long sit and chat in the village sharing our testimonies. talks in 405, sharing some of our deepest thoughts with eachother. things we hide otherwise. things that seem to be hidden and tucked away here. i feel like i dont really know anyone here at school, compared to how well i know project people. i long to be with them again, yet i know that even when i see them again, it wont be the same. i want to have a great community here at lr. but there isn't the trust, the vulnerability, the closeness. yes, i know quite a few people. but thats like know as in i'm fine with making small talk. not serious stuff. i feel like here at school theres not many, if any, i can really talk to. to be vulnerable with. to tell whats really going on inside, not just scrape over the surface and put on a smile because it would take too much time to really explain it all and they dont really know me anyways. i miss you, smspers. you've changed my life in ways i couldnt imagine. helped me take off the face and really share life with. shown me what a real community is like. shown me that i am beautiful and worthy and God's creation, that i dont have to pretend or act different to try to fit in. that there is such thing as legit community and unfailing, unconditional love. that i can tell my story, not because it's mine, but because it's God's. i just wish we'd all be together like that again sometime sooner than heaven...