Wednesday, February 9

You are faithful

my heart aches for you my God. my soul waits for you my God. i've come far to find you here, in this place will i draw near. and Your Spirit soars me to the highest heights, from where i'll not look back. i'll keep trusting You. for i know You are faithful, my God. from the land of the barren we will cry out for rain. fill our hearts God, i'll keep trusting You. for i know You are faithful, my God. Your Spirit inside me holds me close. in Your wonderful Presence, i let go. i cleanse my hands, You burn my heart. i cry out for love, You set me apart. for i know You are faithful, my God.
-You are faithful by Jesus Culture
this song keeps playing in my head since i heard it monday. it's definitely something i have to keep remembering and be reminded of, that He IS faithful. that He soars me to the highest heights and that He holds me close. that no matter what i don't understand, He is there.

anything you own that you can't give away actually owns you.
wow. what can't i give away?

lots of thoughts going around in my brain ranging from serious to not, such as:
- how amazingly inconsistant i am. how one week all is dandy and i have lots of legit Jesus time, then the next i could care less and don't want to make the effort even to do simple things.
- am i pouring into the people around me enough?
- am i allowing myself to be poured into?
- my camera isn't broken but it's not so great anymore and i'm going to europe this summer so i'd kinda like a new one but i feel guilty getting a new one when i dont NEED one and a camera and good photos is not at all what is most important in life and how they won't exist for eternity anyways and trying to analyze my motives.
- stupid boys again, not their presence, but their absence. wondering if i'm not doing something i should be doing or if i'm just always gonna be in this spot.
- i just want green grass, flowers, sunshine, warm weather, and less clothing on my body.
- if my heart isn't in something, should i really be doing it? like journaling or praying or reading the Bible. should i make myself do it or just because i don't feel like it, not do it? it's like exercise a lot of the time, i sometimes don't want to do it but know i should and need to and once i force myself to do it, i get into and reap lots of benefits.
- do i really know what i'm talking about?
- why do i always want something bigger and better (like a camera, phone, whatever) when my heart is (or at least should be) fully satisfied with God?
- can i just take my brain out and implant a Jesus brain?
i feel like some of these are important to ask, whereas others are just a waste of time. like why waste time wishing for green grass? it will come eventually, and i could be looking for all the good things in the interim. but i think it's good to think about and to a certain extent analyze my thoughts/motives. i just have a habit of getting carried away....

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