so summer is practically half over, especially since i have to be back at school early for RA. and since i've been home i haven't posted anything, partly because i don't know what to say, partly because i've been busy with shadowing and guarding, and partly because it's summer and i'm just lazy.
but lately, i've been learning. the other two college summers i've gone off somewhere doing some sort of ministry full time but this summer i'm home shadowing and working. it's definitely different, being home for the whole summer, i haven't done it since high school. and even in high school i went on a mission trip with my church for a week. the only places i'm going/have gone this summer is a wedding in virginia and the beach for a long weekend for my birthday. that's about it. so for the girl that is always busy and always finding something to do or somewhere to be, it's quite different to have a lot of free time (relative to the usual at school and the past summers). not to mention the stark difference in community from school. at school i'm constantly around people and if i'm alone it often isn't for that long. here at home it's mostly just me and my parents, my coworkers, and my one friend Caroline that's also here this summer. i think that this difference might be the reason why God called me to stay home this summer. to work on finding my true comfort and identity in the Lord.
the other night i was really convicted by how i continue to run and hide from God and find my comfort and identity in the things i do and planning out the future. i read job 15:11 which says "is God's comfort too little for you?". why do i keep searching for comfort in the things i do and what i think the future will bring and in other people? is God's endless perfect comfort not enough? i felt like it was God pleading with me "am I not enough?". so often i am asking God if i am enough, but maybe the root of my personal struggle of worth is my view of God. if i don't really believe that God is enough than how am i supposed to believe that i, His creation, am enough? one can not be greater than their Creator so if He is not enough than i am never going to be either. my identity is rooted in His, so to have a more solid handle of my identity (which would perpetuate more comfort and confidence and security and therefore ability to glorify God more) i must have a solid handle and confidence in His identity. He whispers to face the shadows because He is Light. and that He will do anything to get all of me because He is jealous God and knows that that is best for me. in my mind from the Bible and everything i've experience i know that He is enough, but it takes time for it to work its way to my heart. without it being at home in my heart, it reverts to doubt and unrest. i pray i can continually become more sure of His identity and therefore mine, knowing that indeed He is enough.
p.s. this is a great song