Saturday, August 1


i've been without my meds for almost a solid week. it's interesting. sometimes i feel amazing. sometimes i feel icky. sometimes i just feel blah. sometimes i dont really feel anything. i dont know if its from the drugs, but i'm guessing it is, but my hands and feet/legs have been slightly tingly off and on, and my stomach is not real happy about anything. i feed it, and it gets mad. i don't feed it, and it gets mad. urg. and its annoying too, because i'll be feeling great, then randomly i feel crappy, then all the sudden i feel good again. like my body doesnt really know what to do with itself. i feel so undetermined...
on the more mental note... i feel undetermined too. its really starting to fully sink in that i'm leaving. i'm going to college. i wont be sleeping in my bed. i wont have my own bathroom. i wont have my parents with me. it's really really exciting, its like going on a new adventure and stuff. but its really really scary too. i dont know whats gonna happen. i dont know that a
nyone will like me or talk to me. but i feel like i'm ready and prepared. this summer especially, i've learned to trust God, and let things happen that i cant control. even though i feel ready and prepared and excited, it doesnt completely take away the scared/anxious feelings... one moment i'm super excited to go through all my stuff and figure out what i'm bring. the next i dont want to leave. the next i cant wait to decorate my dorm room. the next i start freaking out about how i'll get my work done and still have a social life and stay in touch with peo
ple not at L-R. i guess i just have to roll with the punches, and know that everythings gonna work out and not let it bother me that my brain/body is so indecisive. so undetermined.

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