Monday, December 7

bored awkwardness

it is officially finals week. this means life has just gotten even more awkward and weird. everyone else in the world seems to have a whole lot to study and do before finals on fri, sat, mon and tue. and i of course am the odd one with just 3 exams, of which i can only study so much and if i dont know it by now i doubt i will by finals. and i have no big projects or papers. but everyone else does. and of couse now that everyone is crazy busy, i'm being extroverty and wanting to hang out and do stuff... so here i sit in my room, without really anything to do but wish i had something to do. its rather aggrivating. on top of all this finals week stuff, theres the fact that the semester is ending and in a week i'll be home. i'll be home for a whole month (4 whole weeks!). part of me is excited by this fact, in that i wont have any school work to do and i'll get to do whatever i want and hang out with friends. the other part of me is frightened and worried about this. what am i gonna do with myself for a whole month!? though one week of that i'll be at encounter and another week of it i'll be in illinois/indiana. but still. what am i gonna do for two whole weeks? without any work or anything. and its just sorta weird being home after being used to being here. cause its weird being there at first and then i get used to it and then its weird to be back here... and i sorta kinda feel like i'm two different people, like the person i am when i'm home and the person i am when i'm here. they're not radically different, but theres definite differences. and if i'm afraid about the length of xmas break, whatever will i do with myself for 3 whole months (14 weeks!)? and then that brings up the whole summer project issue again, but i'm not gonna talk about that AGAIN.
so yea. i feel like things wont feel normal again until a couple weeks into next semester when my new classes feel normal. i hate not knowing what to expect/do. it bugs me. it's like that time in between seasons where you dont really know what to wear. so in addition to my weird bipolarness of happy/sad of late, i've added this element of blah/excitement over the end of the semester/break...
but also. theres the whole debate or whatever on what exactly normal is. everyday is different. though many have similar elements, making them 'normal', they're all different. little things change all the time. usually they're gradual so we dont really notice. so big changes like break and such seem so much less normal. but really change is normal. there is no way to measure how normal something is or isnt... so i'm trying to not focus on whether today or tomorrow or the next month or next year will be 'normal'. i'm gonna take each hour, each day, each month in time. of course i'll plan ahead for stuff. but just be free. try to bring God glory and praise everyday. tomorrow will come too soon and yesterday is gone forever. why not live in the right now? even if its amazingly boring and awkward.

No comments: