Thursday, December 3


i have come to realize that i easily become obsessed with things.
states of mind.
the list goes on...
its probably not really very healthy... :/
i get obsessed with someone/something and i find myself often thinking about it... and then usually with time, i stop obsessing. this time can range from like a day to a month or two...
example. tetris. i think debord suggested it and i found this free tetris site. and for a good 3 weeksish, if i had spare time in my room with lily i'd play tetris. similar thing with trefoil solitaire. unfortunately it also happens with people. esp if i like someone and think they're cool and nice and such but dont really know them and sorta gradually or all of the sudden we're friends. i find myself often thinking about them and what they think and what they're doing and if they'll ever answer my message and if i'm being too annoying. one bad thing about sorta obsessing over people is that i get it in my head somehow that they love me and want to do stuff with me and all that jazz... but then usually within a week or two i realize i've overanalyzed and they do the same things they did for me for other people too. i realize i'm probably not really that special in their life and i get sad. its really rather annoying...
i think the people obsessing part has to do with my low selfesteem. cause when i find out someone i look up to actually cares and stuff about me, i get excited. i feel like someone actually cares. dont get me wrong. i know lots of people love and care about me. but its that thrill of knowing someone you thought was too good for you wants to know you.
the games and such.. i dont know..
and its pretty easy to see why one could sorta become obsessed with thoughts or a state of mind that makes you happy or excited or whatever. why wouldn't you wanna keep a good thing going?
anyway. so yea. i probably shouldn't drink or smoke (not that i was planning to do either, like ever) cause i might become obsessed/addicted.
to some extent this is all human. but i still feel sorta convicted about it because a big part of it is probably my low selfesteem and not feeling important and having to have something to attatch to. but if i need something to attatch to, i should attatch to Jesus. i wouldn't mind becoming obsessed with God and Jesus and their unfailing love and such. if i have to be obsessed with something, that's prob the best thing... i sorta feel like i'm getting there which is exciting. so yea. theres one of amy's character flaws... ;)

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