Friday, January 1

the truth.

ok. i'm not sure that i can really do this any justice. but i'm gonna try. this past week i went to the sheraton in the boro and spent a week with college students like me. christians who yearn to learn more and really experience God. oh, and have a blast at the same time. the subject of the conference was to enounter Christ THE Truth. i definitely feel like that happened to me this week. yea. we had to wake up earlyish and got to bed late. didn't sleep much and ate food court food all week. but those physical conditions don't stop great things from happening. personally, i really feel like this week i learned to just rest in the presence of God and feel even more confident and solid in my faith and relationship with God and how to show that to others. again, i dont really know how to express a lot of this in words. i'll prob be posting more on specific things i've learned, one they get compacted into expressable parcels. :) there were over a thousand college students from the midsouth region there. the music and worship was amazing. it seemed to have a depth to it that you rarely see. the feeling that the music wasnt really coming from their mouths, it was coming from deep down. the heart. the soul. and i loved that we prayed for everything. and i felt like i got to the point where i wasnt really thinking anymore. like wondering how i sound to others, but just channeling the spirit through me. like one time when we were praying in small groups, i realized that i wasnt even thinking, i was just talking. it was amazing. and the sound of everyone fervently praying in the new year. and in our campus time when we split up into campuses and prayed, i loved how we all just prayed outloud all at the same time. to an outsider, it would sound confusing and crazy. but it was beautiful. and to think God was listening to everyone of us individually and exclusively. the service day was good too. though my little group didn't have too much success in getting people to talk to us, it helped me learn alot. though sharing the gospel will never be completely comfortable, it doesnt have to be. but that it doesnt have to be indimidating. all we can do is share the good news. only God can change someone's heart. it is not our job to make people believe. but it is our duty and responsibility to take a step. and though we may not see immediate results from our efforts, but it is not our timing. another thing that hit me was that i dont need to understand. so often i try to understand why things happen. where God is going with things. but i dont need to understand. i wont understand until i get to heaven. the things that i do understand are a gift. He doesnt have to let me understand anything. but He loves me enough to clue me in sometimes. i dont understand why my body is crumbling. but maybe i'm not supposed to. i dont know. i just know that this past week i have grown. in my relationship with God. in my relationships with others. in my understanding of myself. i just want to live in a way that glorifies Him. it wont be easy. i will fail. but i'm gonna try my hardest. its so hard to be in this broken world but retain a heavenly mindset. i cant do it alone. i need help. and God will give it to me. He will provide. so yea. like i said before, i cant really express in words what has happened this week. one thing i know though. its not about me. it never will be. and im learning to love that. :D

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