Thursday, February 18


so the past few days have been rather amazing. i've def had my not good moments, but pretty much every day when i'm getting ready for bed, i can't help but think 'this was a great day'. they've had their socialness, their aloneness, their productiveness and their laziness... i don't know. i've just felt at peace and chill. im having my inner struggles and such, but God is bringing me through things and teaching me more and more. its really rather weird. it's like i'm unstressed enough to be chill and open to things. but have enough things going on in my mind and such that i'm not just skating along. i don't know. its just been a happy medium. i'm not so chill and everythings not completely working out according to my plan so i can't depend on myself to get things done. i have to depend and rely on Him. yet i haven't been so busy that the only thing i can think about is getting my work done and how I am gonna get it all done, not realizing that i need to rely on Him. and i think i realize that this has been a rather great last week, but that it's not necessarily going to last. life will get busy. life will get boring. life is like the weather, constantly changing, with seasons but it's random oddities. so i realize this isn't necessarily going to last and am trying to soak it all in. there is a purpose for everything, so i don't doubt i will get some lesson or something out of this, even if it's just a chill week of contented peace. i guess i just feel like even if things get awful, it will all be ok because i know that God will get me through and i've really just been experiencing Him personally lately. maybe this is the period of balance i've been praying for. not necessarily balance in the area i was hoping, but balance none the less. and i'm gonna take it. and try my best to reflect His glory in everything i do. :)

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