Wednesday, February 24
don't concentrate on concentrating.
it doesn't work. the more you try to force things, the worse they end up. this applys to SO MANY areas of life! i can't think of an area it doesn't. piano. art. relationships. knowledge. growth. love. beauty. everything. my piano teacher and i were talking about this today, in relation to piano. its true! the more you think 'i have to get these notes, this rhythm...', the harder it is to get it right. i know that when i play my best, when i realize at the end of the piece, 'wow. that was great.', is when i wasn't really thinking the whole time. i mean, obviously neurons were firing enough to make my fingers move how they did... but i dont know. its like this alternate form of reality almost. you get in the zone, and stop thinking and analyzing everything, and its awesome. i could go on forever how this applys to relationships with people, your relationship with God, your growth and knowledge. the more you force it, the less it seems to work. now heres where it gets tricky. theoretically and practically it all checks out and makes perfect sense. however. to actually do it is another thing. this seems to be my problem a lot lately... i know the truth and what should really happen or how to go about things (like the condition of my heart and keeping my life's focus on God...) but it gets tricky when it comes to living it out. i guess this sorta ties into the whole letting go thing. ive been noticing alot lately too how everything is intertwined. everything connects to eachother. its amazing. anyways, you obviously can't go around thinking 'i need to stop concentrating on concentrating', cause then you'd be concentrating on trying to not concentrate on concentrating. (if you followed that... ;) so thats a dead end. so i think the answer, again, is to just LET GO and STOP THINKING. gosh, i know how hard that is, especially for a logical person like me! i can't think my way out of this one. i can't even really work my way out either... i know that i am capable, its just the matter of it actually happening! the only way i can really make it all work, is to PRAY. God can make it work, HE can give me the freeness (yes that is a word), the thoughtless thinking, the joy! man. it seems like the more i think about and discover deep things like this, the more i realize that i CANT do it alone! i NEED Him to help me and guide me. through Him, i am capable of anything! God, that I could give up control to You so that You could accomplish Your purpose in me!