let go

yea i trust in you. i remember times you led me. this time it's bigger now. and i'm afraid you'll let me down. but how can i be certain? will you prove yourself again? cause i'm about to let go and live what i believe. i can't do a thing now but trust that you'll catch me when i let go. when i let go. what is this doubt in me? convincing me to fear the unknown when all along you've shown your plans are better than my own. and i know i wont make it if i do this all alone. cause i'm about to let go and live what i believe. i can't do a thing now but trust that you'll catch me when i let go. let go and live what i believe. i can't do a thing now but trust that you'll catch me. cause i'm about to let go and live what i believe. i can't do a thing now but trust that you'll catch me when i let go. when i let go. when i let go.

-let go by barlow girl

i especially like the 'what is this doubt in me? convincing me to fear the unknown when all along you've shown your plans are better than my own' part. so often i worry about what i dont know. i really need to trust Him and LET GO. let go of worrying about what this world thinks of me. let go of worrying about the future. let go of myself. trust that He will catch me. He will carry me. He will make everything work out when i just give him control! as humans we so want control. we want to control the outcomes of everything, other's thoughts about us. i know this has been a reoccuring theme the last month or so. but i've just been thinking about it A LOT. how much i let other people and things impact my mood or behaviors. i let things other than God control me. i am here to please and bring glory to Him and have a personal relationship with Him. it's not about whether things work out how i plan or whether i feel included in different friend groups. the more i think about it, the more i realize just HOW MUCH i live of this world instead of just in it. on sunday at church they talked about how when you live in darkness, you don't know it.. you don't realize how bad you are, how apart from God you are. i guess its the opposite... the less you live in darkness, the more you know and the more you realize how dark you are. its weird. it's disappointing and upsetting. but at the same time it's uplifting and inspiring. when you realize how sinful and worldly you are, you can know what to change, what to do... the more helplessly broken you feel, the closer you have to pull to Him. i guess i'm just at a weird place right now. feeling spiritually enlightened but utterly broken and sadly worldly. i can work on myself and try to think less worldly and all that. BUT the only way things can really truly change is with God's help. pray. expect. live. love.