Tuesday, March 23

how i feel...

so. here's how i feel. (i know, i know, feelings are overrated, but they're still real) anyways. i have never been the cute or pretty or beautiful one. i know people who complain that they're always the 'cute one'. i've never been anything. sure, every once in a while, someone has told me i look good, but not really and not frequently. like at all. i don't know if i just didn't get the cute genes or what. poppy sure has them, i guess they just didn't make it down the line to me. i know, i know. looks aren't everything. in terms of eternity, they're not that big of a deal. God thinks i'm beautiful and perfect the way i am. i just wish other people did too. i guess no one really thinks of themself as cute or pretty though... except narcissits that is... all this cute/beautiful talk leads me to the other thing i'm feeling. about boys. i don't know of anyone that hasn't had a boyfriend for some period of time or hasn't been kissed or even that hasn't had a guy date to a dance. and here i am. not feeling cute or pretty or beautiful. and never having a boy show any interest in me. sometimes it makes me wonder if love really exists, like if i'm just destined to be the weird lonely lady. most of the time though, it just makes me feel unwanted/not good enough. i'm told by other people that i'm wonderful, a great person, that i'm special and all that jazz. but it doesn't seem to count for anything. yea, i've had friends that are guys and i've had guys flirt with me. but flirting and real interest are different things. i dont know. i'm just rambling. i guess what this comes down to is that i dont feel pretty and i wonder if a guy will ever love me.

No comments: