remaining.

i don't really know where i'm going. i sure as heck don't know how i'm getting there. all i can see is where i am and where i've been. and where i want to be. though i may know what i want, it may not be what i need. where i should be. it's so hard to know. i don't know the purpose of these feelings and things happening. all i know is now. the control freak in me wants to know the purpose, where i'm going, how i'm getting there, and the most efficient way to get there. but it hasn't been revealed to me yet, and might not ever. why am i going through these inner struggles of who i am, how i act, what i do, everything? i don't know, but God does. so i will remain here, trusting. yes, i'll still keep wanting to know where this is all going and how it's helpful at all in the long run. i am a curious human. but i shall remain here, where God has put me. and trust in the Lord with all my heart, leaning not on my own understanding.