as always, this life of faith is often a battle. but i feel like these past few days, i've had a victory. instead of focusing on how i am feeling (which is self-focused anyways), i am focusing on Him and trusting. i used to think that since my closeness with God was shown by my feelings towards Him, i had to change the way i felt for my relationship to change. now i don't know about you, but it's not really easy and sometimes impossible to change the way you feel. it's just there. so for so long i felt like i had to change how i felt or do something to feel closer to God so that i could get closer. can you say relying on your own strength??
now i'm not promising at all that i've completely conquered this or that i will never struggle with it again in my life. that would just be crazy.
but for now, i'm learning and realizing that i can become close to God and live in His power and not my own, no matter where my feelings tell me i am. it's wonderfully freeing. :)