today has been church, chill/nap/snack, and band practice soon. hopefully it'll go on as planned this week... after that is more chill time then prayer and outreach. the outreach is scheduled til 1am, so we'll see when i get to sleep...
having weird guilty feelings about my birthday. i don't make it a big deal but i want others to. it's not even til tomorrow but i already feel like it'll just be an added random sidenote to the day and no one really cares. but then i feel bad for wanting people to make it special because then that's selfish. and it's not like it's an exciting birthday either... 19 seems like its pretty boring. you're not legal like you are when you turn 18 or 21 and you're not officially out of teens like when you turn 20. so i'm having mixed weird feelings. i'm just pretty much sure people will forget/not care and i guess i'm mentally preparing for that. i've come to expect little out of people so that i'm surprised when they do something exciting/good. i know that sounds bad, but it saves me a lot of crappy feelings when i think they're gonna do something great and nothing happens. i dont know.
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