dang the devil.

i've been doing better with keeping on the positive side and focusing on God's plan with my work. i go in and actually start training and working today. i'm excited but kinda anxious cause i don't know what all it will entail. barry's message at the meeting was really good. it was on 1 John 1:1-2:2. we're studying 1 John for the summer. i like the book, but we've been doing that at my school church for the past months. but you can always learn more. barry talked about the Holy Spirit some and how we aren't forgiven because we confess but that we confess because we're forgiven. and that the closer you get to God, the Light, the more you see your sins and darkness, but the more other people see you as light and holy. it's all very cool and interesting. i'll prob post more about that later.

but as for now, dang the devil. i really wish he didn't exist. he makes me do things i don't want to do, pulls me from God. whispering negative thoughts in my ear about the job i get. do all of these things to my physical body to make it screwed up. i know in the physical body arena, that i can't control like i can my thoughts, and that though Satan may give it/make it happen, God allows it to happen.

my mom just emailed me yesterday about a letter i got in the mail. apparently, they found some antibodies in my blood and even though it was probably a false-positive, i can never give blood again because they don't want to risk it. i understand that when someone tests false-positive for stuff like that, they don't want the blood. why take the chance of giving them to someone else? but. here's where the sucky part comes in. it happened to me. maybe it's a hereditary thing because it happened to my mom too. i just hate that i can't give blood anymore. i felt like God had gifted me with things that made me not care at all about getting stabbed with a huge needle and seeing my blood pumped out of my body, of barely feeling any different afterwards and having little to no side-effects from it, of the helping spirit to want to do all i can, and a conscientious mind to help me remember when i'd last given. i was excited to help save lives all my life. but no. stupid antibodies. i was beginning to wonder if my high ana and routinely borderline low iron along with possible lupus or other autoimmune thing would affect my blood-giving. i know i should thank God for it, because we are to 'give thanks under all circumstances' even if we hate it. so i'm trying. i just can't see the good in God/Satan (i'm not sure who had the deciding call on this one) taking away my love and ability to give blood to save lives.

i'm off to my first day of work and trying to get positive and happy and Lord-serving. it's a tough(ish) morning, esp piled on top of yesterday's frustration.

oh, p.s. yesterday we went to walmart to get work stuff (i got jeans (levis, sorry dad!), white socks, and some food) i tried to get work shoes but of course they didn't carry my size (why do i have huge size 11 feet) in womens and the guys didn't fit right either. so we went to the tanger outlets and after walking around it probably two times i got a pair of sketchers for work shoes that were a whopping $50, much more than i wanted to pay and would've if walmart loved me. after that we got back and were going to have music practice but ran out of time. dinner, then we went over to where we're holding the cru meetings, at a youth room at first baptist church, and sound checked and practiced than had cru. barry talked. it was good. :) then back here chilling and hanging out and played a little mau in the conference room. then bed. i'm loving the conversations virginia and i have at night before bed. :)