Thursday, July 22

coming to an end.

things are coming to an end. yes, there’s less than 2 weeks left of summer project in good old Gatlinburg. it’s sad that i’m going to have to leave this beautiful wonderful people. however, we’re not thinking about that yet. work too is beginning to wrap up, my last day is next wednesday. these are my last few days of work, and i want them to count. even if i don’t get it any good conversations, just to be a witness to God’s love and strength and glory.
that’s all good and dandy, but the real reason i’m writing this post is because i’m coming to the end of myself i feel like this last week or so. with work and everything, i’m more physically exhausted for a longer period of time than i can remember being. my body is just rebelling from the late hours and long days of work. this creeps into mentally and emotionally tiredness... for the past couple days i’ve felt like i needed a good cry, but just don’t have the energy to. all that sounds depressing and sad. BUT. that’s not the end. in coming to an end of myself, i am coming further into God. i don’t have the desire, the strength, to get up at 730 and go to work, knowing i won’t get off til 4 or 5. i don’t have the energy to be kind and forgiving and loving. but God does. and partially through force and partially by choice, i am letting Him through me. He’s already inside of me, but often i keep Him caged up, ready to let Him loose if something drastic happens. but now, i’m almost fully relying on Him and His love and energy and strength. not just for the huge things like an autoimmune disorder i can’t control, but for the little things like waking up and smiling at work. it’s really a beautiful thing, learning to rely more fully on the Lord. at the moment, i don’t have the energy to question or to try and do things myself any more. all i can do is let Him in. hopefully, this will become a habit that carries into my life after i leave tennessee. i’m not sure what it will be like to leave this place that has become such a place of growth and dependence on the Lord. but i’m not looking forward to the future right now, trying to plan out the details. i’m too busy looking up to my Creator, my source of true life.

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