Monday, August 2

on to the next home.

we should focus on the beginnings, not the endings. the firsts, not the lasts.

home from SMSP '10. i don't think it's hit me yet that i'm not going back there.
we won't all be together like that again until heaven.
that's craaaaazy to think about.

yesterday was our last full day together. woke up and went to church. came back and did the usual post-church nap and food scrounged from around the condo. then when everyone had come back from their different churches and lunch dates, packing ensued. virginia and i turned on the music and knocked it out. it was sooo weird to pack things up. the room that had become our home for what seemed like forever turned slowly back into a hotel room. most of us packed in crates and drawers, so it didn't really take too long. when we were all done, we ended up doing what we do best. eating brownies and ice cream in the king bed. all 7 of us, cuddled in that big bed for the last time. then it was time to go to the end of project banquet. banquet seems like such a fancy word for a cookout at the local park. we played around while waiting for dinner to be cooked, playing around with basketballs, frisbees, and soccerballs, even playing kickball with the soccer ball. then eating time. typical cookout food... nothing special. after we finished eating, we had appreciation time, where whoever wanted to could speak and share appreciation and such. jared sung a song he wrote, somehow it turned into confession time of stealing other people's razors and soap. meanwhile, a wedding was getting setup just feet from the pavilion. music and people started walking down the aisle while we were circled up praying for the last time. when we finished praying, we watched the bride walk down and the rest of the wedding. definitely put the gatlinburg touch on things ;) afterward, we all did the wku fight song together :) then more basketball, frisbee and soccer insued. to top the evening off, we saw a bear running through the park, maybe 200 ft away. finally got to see a bear up close and recognize that it was a bear, not just a black blob in the distance! then came back to the chateau, showered for the last time, finished packing what we could and took things to cars. then just hung out. reveled in eachother's presence. went around and said goodbyes to those leaving super early (3 and 7am). though i really didn't want to, i went to bed. i think we all would've liked to stay there that night, just being with eachother. however, physical needs such as sleep become overwhelming. even though i went to bed around 1, which isn't really that late, i was practically sleep walking. the days of lack of sleep, the stress of packing and knowing your leaving and saying goodbyes, it's physically exhausting. virginia and i had our last night in our bed. even though it was sad and weird, we were too tired to fully comprehend it.
this morning, woke up and finished packing and putting everything in my car. then all who were still there and hadn't left yet went to pancake pantry. yummm. then back to the chateau, where goodbyes had to happen. went around, saw all the rooms, gave everyone a hug. i couldn't think about it. i couldn't think about the fact that some i might not see again, some i won't see for a while, and that i would almost certainly never see that room again. just had to nip it in the bud. the time finally came, and molly and i got in the car and drove away from gatlinburg. the drive was good, no troubles, just awkward feelings.
got home. was happy/excited to see my parents and puppy. and when i walked in the door, it smelled like home :) unpacked. it still kinda feels weird. my body and mind don't know what to do. it's like now i have 4 homes. here, with my parents. in gburg with my project family. at school in my old room that still seems like home. and at school in my new room that i don't know yet. all of these places and the people attatched to them are dear to my heart. i want to be at and with all of them at the same time. but unfortunately, i can't break the whole space-time continuum thing, so i must wait til heaven.
so here i am at one home, missing the one i just left, kinda missing the one i left a few months ago, and looking forward to the one i'm going to next. what's a girl to do?
for now, i'm feeling a bit numb, but i'm pretty sure that will turn into sadness and the such in a short while. as barry reminded us, the lack of sleep doesn't help our emotional or spiritual or mental state either...
one thing i know for sure. the only home i'll never have to leave and that has everything i'd ever want or need is heaven. but for now, until God brings me there, i'm here on this beautiful earth to bring glory to Him. and i'm ready and willing to do whatever it takes to do that.

for now though... sleep is on the docket.

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