this life has never been about me. since that faithful day in july 5 years ago, it hasn't been about me. heck, even before i believed God and His Truth, it wasn't about me. it's never been about me. this whole life of mine has always been to show God's glory. there is no way i can live and breathe without glorifying the Creator. so many things in my body happen every second that can only point to Him. the One who is the only true purpose of my life and the sustainer of my soul.
i've known this but i've never really realized it. it's been there but i haven't embraced it as my own, lived it out. this life i live is not for me or my glory or even for the glory of these people i live with and around. crap will come in life, as it has the habit of doing. but that in no way at all means God is not glorified. if anything, God is glorified more through my crap than through my peace sometimes. me actively, vividly giving up control and knowing this life is not my own is one of the most worshipful things i could ever do. why do i think i have the right to comfort? or the right to be right? or to know? what makes me think i have the right to control? those things have never and will never be mine. they belong only to the One who created all things. the One who created me. and by His grace, He gives me comfort, understanding, even the figment of control. but it is still never mine to take as my own, to hold tight to my chest knowing it will never leave. God gives and God takes away, but that second half doesn't make Him a less loving God. if anything, it shows His love even more. that He not just wants to give us good things, but He loves us enough to take things away and grow us in hard hard ways by taking things away. He loves us the way we are but He also loves us so much to not let us stay that way. to show us our weakness and unworthiness and brokenness. to show us we really aren't the boss of our life. that we really don't know what's going on or will happen.
every moment i live is for His glory, whether i choose to take hold of that reality or not. that is how i'm made, to glorify Him. i pray that i would really, truly glorify the Lover of my soul with everything i do. with the love i give and show others, with the sacrifices i make, with the truths i hold close and the lies i turn away. i pray i would stay steadfast in this love, the way He does. i know i will fail because i am human, but that does not stop me from doing what i can with all my all, leaning on the One who can strengthen me to do things otherwise impossible. this life is not mine, but God has graciously, mercifully, taken on those failures and given me this Life to live for Him. it is my only option for living, truly living. to let go of everything and breathe in His power and grace and truth and presence only to let it escape from me onto the world. this life is not about me. it never has been, and never ever will be.