iris

i have decided that i can never stop having flowers on my car.
having flowers on my car helps me do my part of cheering up random strangers.
if i didn't have the flowers, i'd have to do something else crazy.
a lot of the time i forget that Iris is plastered with flowers and then someone looks at me strange or honks or just smiles at me randomly. then i remember, oh it's the car.

having a flowered car also makes it alot easier to find in parking lots or wherever.
and since they're decals, no one can take them off like they could with the previous magnetic ones.
i love my flowers :)

just keep moving

ya know, when you're in the middle of doing something long and tiring or you don't really want to do, you just gotta keep moving.
like in swimming, towards the end of a lap, i get tired and i just have to focus on each breath, just get to the next breath, and soon i'll be at the end. cause if i just think, 'man it's so far til the end, i'm not gonna make it', i'll be right, i won't make it.
and when i'm reading a not so great book for english, i just have to focus on where i am, not that i've still got 50 more pages to read, and soon enough, i'll be finished.
also, when cleaning my room, you have to take a bit at a time, or you'll get overwhelmed.
it seems like life is sorta like that. you have to make a goal so you know where you're headed, but mostly just focus on the present so you don't get overwhelmed and you can really cherish what you've got going right now.
also... i really like the way my daddy's boots feel on my feet. :)

acceptance

such a sweet thing.
especially when it's from the college you want to go to.
AKA...
I got accepted to Lenoir-Rhyne!!!! :) :D
yay!!

sick

being sick is such a dilemma.
you really feel like doing nothing, but the school system makes it almost impossible for you to be out sick. so when you do stay home sick, you feel guilty doing it. you shouldn't be going to school and infecting everyone else, but you have this test and that test to do or this project due that you can't turn in any other day. so i'm here at home, sick and not going to school. i've had a nice nap and lazy tv watching session, but now i feel like i have to do something productive like clean my room or something. it takes a lot for me to just give up and chill and really help my body recover when i'm home sick.
this is half the reason why i hate being sick so much, you end up either going to school and feeling like crap or staying home and feeling guilty.

coughing

coughing,
it's the most annoying thing ever.
you can't talk normally.
you can't sing normally.
you can't breath normally.
urg.
when will it go away?
seems like never.
i keep coughing.
but they never seem to be doing anything useful.
i really hate half coughs.
like when your lungs spasm or whatever.
but you don't actually cough.
you just make these weird noises.
grr.
sometimes i wish i just had pnemonia or something.
so that it could just be treated and go away.
and i could get out of school for it.
but i dont.
so i still have to go to school.
and feel tired and weird and coughyful.
oh, how i hate coughing.

time

it's so precious.
i feel like i don't have any left.
so here's my schedule: Monday:Piano, Tuesday:? might become swimming at the Y, Wednesday:Small Group, Thursday:Either NAHS or Core team, Friday:CROSS club, Saturday:Swimming and homework, Sunday:Nursery and Core. I feel like everythings so full. I have something everyday. Even though during the week with school they never last any longer than til 5, it still feels like I don't have a life anymore. And all this extra committed time is forcing me to, more often than not, go to bed at 10 or later. My body is not enjoying this. I'm a very sleep-needy person. I know that this is just how life is, but I really enjoyed the laybackness of summer. I don't want things to change. I can't quit piano, I can't quit Core, I can't quit small group, I have to have some exercise, so I can't quit swimming. And with NAHS, I'm the secretary, so can't really quit that. And I feel like if I stop going to Nursery or Core team, I'd be shunned or whatever. And now my mom wants me to go swimming twice a week, not just once. I thought junior year was supposed to be the hardest, not senior year.
Soon though, I'll hear from Lenoir-Rhyne, which will be good.
I just don't know how to work my time so that I get everything done, and still have some chill time left and not feel pressured. It's not like I don't enjoy anything I'm doing...
And school... it just feels more like a waste of time than anything. I'm not really learning all that much, at least don't feel like it. And half the time, I just sit there and think, man I could be doing something much more productive.
I don't know. It's bothering me.
If only there was more time... :/

swimming :)

Swimming makes me happy.
I've known how to swim since I can remember, we had a pool in my house in Michigan, where I grew up (til I was 8 anyways), so i remember always having fun swimming in the summer.
For whatever reason, a while back, i realized that swimming really isnt that fun unless you have a friend and are playing catch in the pool or something, and we didn't go swimming very much.
Then, i decided i didn't want to take ice skate lessons anymore (which i'd known how to do since forever too), and decided to learn how to swim, like the right way, like the strokes and stuff.
So I did, and i really like it. I've been taking lessons for like a year, maybe two. It's weird, cause the actual act of going back and forth and gettin water up my nose and everyonce in a while, inhaling some water is not really that fun. But the feeling afterward. Man. It's awesome. I swim at the Y, using their soap stuff along with my own really good smelling conditioner to wash my hair/body.
It's hard to explain, just the slight feeling of chlorine everywhere and in my mouth, the slight tiredness from doing something usefull, and how soft my feet feel and the smell of the chlorine+the Y's soap+my conditioner. I know it's weird, but I like it :) And then, after i get dressed and comb my hair and stuff, I put my hair up in this tight, low bun, and then drive away, barefoot, with my window down, the good music on. It just feels like everything is right with the world and I can do anything. After swimming, I just feel good :)

blood

I gave blood today :) I feel so accomplished, like i've done something useful for the world for once. It only took 2 hours... but that made my day completely non-productive (not counting the blood giving), since I essentially did nothing in all my classes that I went to. Pretty sweet for a Friday. The only con is that now I'm home and need to get some work done, but i'm in that lazy state and will probably get very little done. So tomorrow's gonna just be school work day.
Getting stabbed with a needle and drained is actually pretty fun, I think. I love medically stuff, so it was all very fun and interesting, save for the waiting in line for forever twice. I even got a special sticker, lunchbag, pin, magnet and stuffed blood drop because it was my first time donating! :) I feel so special!

just need some happy feet

You know, some days just don't feel like they're going right. And eventually, the train goes off the track. This morning, I accidentally knocked my Precious Moments Train thing down, off the top of the piano. What resulted was this:


Other times, everything lines up just how you want. Sometimes you just step back, and realize how great things are.


No matter what, you keep going. Just make sure you have happy feet :)

a trip to the beach...

This last weekend we went to the beach to pick up my dad after he finished his bike ride. Each year, he does the CNC (cycle north carolina). He starts the week in the mountains and rides each day, camping at night, making his way to the coast. Then, we pick him up. :)
Who doesn't enjoy a trip to the beach?



Showin of his nice biker tan


My hot model dad :)

life

life right now is good, its bad. it's unsure.

Last weekend I went on Fall Retreat was great fun, but it made me think a lot. I realized I don't really know where I am. Its just sorta overwhelming. I have all these things to do. Homework, college stuff, stuff i want to do during my free time. I want to grow and get better at everything. I'm really realizing that i'm going to have to make some priorities. Unfortunately, school sorta has to go at the top (or near it). Free time, and piano and stuff is getting jipped with all the school crap lately. It's not really like its that bad or anything, its just a bunch of stuff i need to do, things i want to think about, things whirling around in my head, things i just want to do for fun. Hopefully, hopefully soon things will calm down more once I get my spiritual brain right again, i fix my sleep defecit from Fall Retreat, and i get the main school jobs done with. As my mom always says, when you've got a bunch to do, and your stressed, if it helps, make a list so you don't forget anything, then just take things one at a time, going down the list, focusing on finishing that one task then moving on to the next, not stressing about the big picture, and soon enough, you'll be back in order. I really want to just understand God fully, and do everything for Him, and have the time to just chill with Him, just laugh with Him. As Myranda said, I'm not missing a part of me, I'm missing the whole I'm a part of.
Also, I've been thinking about how close my sister and I have gotten since she went off to college. When we were both home, we loved eachother and all and did stuff together everyonce and a while, but i felt like we didn't truely have a deep relationship. Now I feel like we've both changed and we genuinely miss eachother and just want to be with eachother, just to talk about our lives, and really be sisters. I love how this relationship has changed. I'm excited too because if I go to Lenoir-Rhyne, i'll be just an hour from her :)
I've really changed a lot this last year/summer. I def think its for the better. I've grown a lot more comfortable with myself, and God and everyone around me. I don't care as much what others think of me, I know I can get through practically anything even if I feel like I'm in Hell at the time. I'm more understanding of others and feel like I can really just rely on God to help get me through. God has a plan for me, and I'm living it. I can't change the past, so I just have to learn and move on. I can stop overanalyzing everything and really just be me and not really care if no one appears to like me, because they might and just not show it, and I'll always have people that love and care about me, no matter what. I've become more outgoing and comfortable in my skin. I can go up to some random freshman and ask him if he has a luggage tag yet, and be crazy and excited about it and not care if he thinks I'm weird. I'm really starting to love myself deeply, and love God for who he's making me.
Also... my small group officially rocks. Deeter is so cool. If we go off on a tangent that has some meaning (not just about Homecoming or something), but about life and how we relate to God and others and stuff like that, she's willing to just scrap her plan to let us talk. Some of the best small groups ever are the ones where we dont follow her plan. We can really talk to eachother about pretty much anything and know that they'll love and accept us no matter what. They're a bunch of amazing, godly girls, many of whom I wouldn't normally pick to hang out with, but was stuck with them and can now see that it's not all about the looks or who they hang out with. They've taught me alot about not judging and really caring about others. I look forward to Wednesdays just for small group. They make my week so much better, no matter how bad the start of it was. They bring me new hope and remind my of God's love, often when I need it most.
Ok, I think thats my randomness for the night. I'm really liking the fall crispness in the air. It makes me so happy, even if it does make my joints hurt. But...

"After you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation." - 1 peter 5:10